UK retailer The Furniture Market’s lighthearted review of the best furniture to hide behind at Halloween

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As we approach Halloween weekend, perhaps you’re looking forward to trick or treating with the kids, or simply curling up for a horror movie marathon. But, have you thought about how furniture could actually save your life against a crazed serial killer?

What do you mean no? Well, luckily for you, UK retailer The Furniture Market has done the work for you by selflessly watching the top 50 horror movies in order to rank the best furniture hiding places.

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This is serious stuff, so here comes the science. The team created a ranking system to grade each furniture type and the potential chances of using it resulting in a gory end. The Chance-of-Death system equals the number of times said furniture led to a protagonist escaping minus the number of times it led to a protagonist dying.

So, which item of furniture gives you the best chance of lasting until the end of the movie? The Furniture Market recommends that you surround yourself with as many doors and wardrobes as you can, but avoid beds at all costs as more people meet a grizzly demise between the sheets in horror movies than in any other setting. Surprisingly the next most deadly household item is the bath, followed by TV stands and tables.

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At the hero end of the scale, doors emerged victorious as the safest article to be around – think Sigourney Weaver in Alien – as it achieved the lowest Chance-of-Death rating of -22. Wardrobes, cupboards and bookcases were next on the ‘safest’ rankings.

Robert Walters, head of ecommerce at The Furniture Market, commented: “Furniture is synonymous with the horror movie genre. Not only are a lot of films watched from behind the sofa but as we can see many different items are used in escape attempts – be they successful or not.

“So with Halloween coming up we thought we’d find out which furniture is the best to hide behind and which really is not, and that is by far and away the bed.

“Hollywood tells us that if you’re being chased by a chainsaw wielding maniac in a leather mask then don’t seek refuge under the bed, instead get behind the nearest door or failing that hide in a wardrobe!”

Thank you The Furniture Market. We can now sleep soundly in our, erm, wardrobes this Halloween.